Dudley:  "Oh, Mum, all of this gay/weight/dress talk is making me sick."

Aunt Petunia:  "It's okay, Duddikins, just look at my armpit instead.  The cameraman didn't realize that all of you can see of me here is my armpit."

Random envelope time!  Oh, and there's an owl, too.  Imagine that.

And yet Harry doesn't really care.  Hey, he's already been threatened with expulsion, so what else could the envelope possible say?

Envelope:  "HARRY JAMES POTTER... you are hereby expelled from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry due to being gay.  However, you may attend a hearing to determine whether you are actually gay or not.  At Hogwarts, the only gay person allowed is our headmaster.  Thank you."

Vernon:  "OMG OMG!  You weren't kidding!  I'VE never gotten thrown out of school for being fat!  Sure, I've been thrown off roller-coaster rides and such because I couldn't fit into it, but school?  Haha!  Now, off to your room to think about what you've done."

Vernon:  "Come now, Dudley, we can't have you around Harry!"

Harry:  "ARGGG I can't believe what Hermione must think when she hears of this!  Or everybody else, for that matter.  School is going to be torture."

Hedwig:  "IF you go back, you mean.  You have started wearing tighter shirts now, and you are currently flexing your muscles.  That is sort of a sign of being gay..."

Harry:  "WHAT?"

Hedwig:  "Nothing!  Oops, I mean... hoot!"

That night, Harry goes to sleep.  I wonder if he will dream of Hermione?

HOLD ON A MINUTE!  That's not Hermione!!!

Harry:  "Not again..." *sighs*

And so Harry wakes up to THESE people.  Hmmm... hmmmm... why are they there, anyway?

Harry:  "Uh... why are you here, anyway?"

Mad Eye:  "C'mon, boy!  There's no time to explain!:

Harry:  "Pleaseeee?"

Mad Eye:  "NO!  NO TIME!"

Kinsley:  "Of course there's time to explain.  Pretty much we are taking you to your Godfather's house, who is Sirius Black, and you can hang out there for a bit before your gay test.  I mean... before your hearing.  We have Hermione there, too, so that should work out nicely."

Harry:  "Cool.  Now, Mad Eye, that wasn't so hard to explain, now, was it?!"

Mad Eye:  "Well, at least I'm not Tonks and I'm not mad.  If I was Tonks and mad, I'd look like Ginny."

Tonks:  "WHAT DID YOU DAY?!"

Mad Eye:  "I just mentioned the fact that whenever you get mad, you start looking like Ginny."

Tonks:  "Don't.  Call.  Me.  Ginny."  *gets really mad at the thought of being called Ginny, who is STILL a pre-teen even MORE obsessed with Harry and who wants to break apart Hermione and Harry's relationship*

Mad Eye:  "Okay, let's all get on our brooms that appeared out of no where and fly to Black's home, even though we could easily have used a Portkey or the Floo Network.  However, I forgot the Portkey and I ran out of Floo power, so I'm going to pretend that these things are being "monitored" and therefore look smart."

Kinsley:  "Okie dokey."

Harry:  "Hey Tonks, you're going to crash into a boat.  HA HA."

Kinsley:  *randomly speeds by like a maniac*

Tonks:  "Oh yeah?  Whatever.  I totally look like I'm on drugs in the screen-shot.  Which I am.  Woooot."

What I don't get is that there is a boat here.  I mean, it's horribly random.  And why would they even be FLYING by "Muggles"?  Or maybe it's not a Muggle ship.  Maybe it's full of animals, such as cats and goats.  Hmm...

Harry:  "HOLY CRAP THE MUGGLES SEE ME!!  And yet they don't care.  Or seem to notice."

HOW DO THEY NOT NOTICE?!?!?  C'mon, people!

And agian!  LOOK AT WHERE ARE!  Are you telling me that these wizards would let Harry, who is well-known throughout the wizarding world, fly out in public where anyone, INCLUDING the "bad wizards", could see him?  This can't be good planning.  Whose idea was this, anyway?!

*insert REALLY random car thingy*  It might be a street sweeper... or is it a trash picker upper?  I honestly don't know what they have in England.  All I know is that 1) I live on a gravel road, and therefore don't have a street sweeper to compare this to and 2) that this is almost as random as that boat!

Harry:  "OOOH, I like car thingy!"  *stares happily at it*

Mad Eye:  "Okay, let's just get inside before Harry has a love affair with a car."

Soon...

Tonks:  "I have an eye twitch!"  *twitches*

Harry:  *bites lip to stop from laughing*

Harry:  "Now is the moment of truth... to see if I'm gay or not.  What will happen?  Will I love Hermione?  Or will I love Sirius, my dad's lover?  Or will I not love anybody?  Stay tuned to HP-Star's Recaps to find out!"